


Why Have You Forsaken Me?

by vogue91



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, Introspection, Rebellion, Season/Series 05
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-28 05:12:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13896987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: With the apocalypse coming and the lives of both humans and angels in danger, it wasn’t time to be a good soldier anymore.





	Why Have You Forsaken Me?

Castiel had always thought he was a rational angel. He had to be, didn’t he?

Wasn’t that an angel’s prerogative?

But he wasn’t so sure about it anymore. He wasn’t so sure about a lot of things, lately.

The more he thought about it, the more he felt confused.

And then, adding nothing more than doubts to his already troubled mind, there was Dean.

When Castiel first met him, he liked the guy. And he didn’t even understand why, but there was some kind of weird chemistry between them.

Was it him? Was Dean Winchester the reason why his own reason fell under the shadow of doubt?

It was such a human thing that he wanted to hurt him in some kind of way, but he knew that he couldn’t.

And that was just his instinct, because if he would’ve actually to find himself in front of the man, there’s was no way he could ever do such a thing.

Castiel just wanted to... give some rest to his mind.

Being again the good little soldier who followed his orders, without asking himself if they were right or wrong.

But once he had tasted the flavor of free will, he had found out it was like a drug to him, he had found out that he couldn’t live without, and that thinking with his own mind could not be so easy, but sometime it’s just the right thing to do.

And he blamed Dean for that, but the guy wouldn’t even listen to him and to his problems, not even if he would’ve tried talking to him.

He’s got his little Sammy to take care of, he’s got his rebellion against the angels, his countdown to apocalypse...

And Castiel was tired of all this. He looked at him and he saw a man who didn’t really wanted to be helped, a man who always thought to be on the right side, a man who had always taken his decisions by himself, and Castiel couldn’t help but envying him.

And Dean had told him that he was wrong if he thought to still being serving God, and Dean told him that his Father was gone, and Dean told him that he couldn’t trust his own family.

What made him so sure?

Castiel felt like he wanted to feel that kind of confidence, but he thought it was against his own nature.

And now, he was lost.

Uriel was dead, and he died like a traitor, and he felt like he could understand what Michael felt like when he locked Lucifer in the cage.

That wasn’t a matter of demons, of apocalypse, of evil or corruption.

That was a matter of brothers who fought each other for a Father that they didn’t even know if was still in that universe.

Castiel felt like sighing, but that was against his nature too.

And so he did nothing, like always, and he put those feeling inside his heart and his soul, and he understood the hate that men felt for their own kind.

He wanted revenge, just that.

Revenge for his dead brothers, revenge for his betrayed faith, revenge because they told him to follow the orders, and he didn’t know who the orders came from anymore.

Perhaps, Dean Winchester was right.

With the apocalypse coming and the lives of both humans and angels in danger, it wasn’t time to be a good soldier anymore.

It was time to fight on his own side.

And Castiel would have done it.

And he would’ve gotten his revenge, sooner or later.

But he still was an angel, and he knew that wasn’t supposed to erase that feeling of betrayal from his heart.


End file.
